


Ezri + Dax = ?????

by StephaniD



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Character Analysis, Character Study, Gen, Internal Monologue, No Dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 09:23:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15482673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephaniD/pseuds/StephaniD
Summary: A character study of newly-joined Ezri Dax, set sometime post-Afterimage (7.3)





	Ezri + Dax = ?????

Ezri vaguely wondered if other symbionts went through as much drama as Dax. Just in the past lifetime the creature had been kidnapped, remembered a murderous previous host, and had to figure out how to feel about TWO ex spouses. 

And that was just during Jadzia's joined life, and the short time Ezri had been joined so far. That didn't even take into account the actual murderous host who'd had Dax for 6 months, Torias’ and Jadzia's early and traumatic deaths, having the same friend since Curzon (though Ben and Ezri liked each other so she probably shouldn't count it as dramatic, though it was rare). 

 

Ezri wished she had another Trill to talk to about this, but her family was out of the question (not to mention none of them were joined), she’d lost touch with old friends, and the Symbiosis Commission was too busy to deal with silly questions like hers. She supposed she had 8 joined Trill right there to ask for help, but they didn't seem interested in helping her sort out what she honestly wanted to do versus what they wanted her to do. What was she supposed to do, pit honorary Klingon Curzon’s urge to drink bloodwine against focused Emony’s urge to stand on her head against immature Jadzia's urge to prank her friends (honestly, was she 12)? Kind Audrid against angry Joran? Plus, they could only speak in relation to Dax, other symbionts were beyond their area of expertise. 

 

She was looking forward to her  _ zhian’tara _ , the chance to actually converse with the former hosts, but she was also terrified, even moreso than Jadzia had been. While Joran was more integrated with the others than he had been for Jadzia, he was still murderous and she didn't want to ask Ben to go through that again. Jadzia had been worried about measuring up to the others, about what the great Curzon would say to the girl he’d flunked out of consideration for joining, but what would he think of Ezri, a Trill who hadn't even asked to be part of the Dax legacy, who had never been an initiate, never wanted to be joined? What did any of them think of her? She knew she had no reason to be scared of vivacious Jadzia, but she couldn't help worrying what her predecessor would say about Ezri sticking around on Deep Space 9, talking to the same friends Jadzia'd had. Even Ezri knew that hosts were supposed to give the symbiont new experiences; would strong, opinionated Jadzia understand her loneliness at the prospect of joining a new crew? Or would she tell her to get over it, to get her own friends, her own life? 

 

Would it be weird for the station’s counselor to get counseling? Logically, she knew many did, but she still felt apprehensive about it. She'd been wanting to talk to someone about it since Garak had torn into the seat of her fears and she'd wound up sobbing in the first quiet place she found, the Bajoran shrine (thank goodness Kira hadn't stopped by to pray). Could she have sessions with a Trill counselor by comm? She doubted any other species would be able to help her. 

 

Her thoughts turned back to her  _ zhian’tara.  _ Would her friends be willing to do that again? Part of her wanted to ask Kira to be Jadzia, but would that be too much for her? They had been so close, Kira had taken Jadzia's death so hard, almost as badly as Worf. And if Kira agreed to be Jadzia, who would be Lela? And she couldn't ask Odo to be Curzon again, could she? And she doubted Quark would agree to be Audrid again. Ezri didn't feel nearly as comfortable with manipulating the Ferengi as Jadzia had, stroking his ears to get what she wanted.  Did she even have enough friends for all of Dax’s previous hosts? It had been tight when Jadzia had done it, she remembered. Without Quark, she definitely wouldn't have enough people. Maybe she could just ask? Quark did seem to really like her, it wasn't manipulation to ask, was it? Especially since he knew what he was getting into this time. And he didn't have to be Audrid, maybe he could be Tobin. Maybe she could ask Odo to be Joran? No, she decided immediately. The last thing she needed was a homicidal Changeling. Maybe she could make some new friends? But it would feel fake and manipulative to make friends specifically to help with her  _ zhian’tara _ , and she didn't want to wait almost 3 years like Jadzia had. She wanted to do it soon, even though thinking about how they'd all feel about her receiving the Dax symbiont made her feel space-sick, she hoped talking to each previous host would help her feel more at home with the situation, more like herself and less like 9 different people in one brain. 


End file.
